Dose of Reality

Already Gone

I think the hardest part about leaving something that is important to you, is the part where you can’t stop reliving it. Everything you do, the way you think, the way you go about in your day, a part of you is gone: missing.

It’s hard when you leave a piece of your heart everywhere you go, in everything you do. So when the time comes to let go, you can’t because there’s a hole in place of your body.

Your entire being becomes… empty.

I recently had to leave my job and move houses all in the span of 3 days. And as much as I act like I’m tough and that change doesn’t bother me, I don’t know how to cope. Leaving all my best friends behind, a job that I loved waking up to in the morning, people I loved seeing, my old house being in a close with-span of everyone, everything. It’s suffocating to know that everything that comprised of your comfort and happiness is essentially in the rear view mirror.

It takes a toll on you knowing you’re not needed anymore. That if you don’t show up to work, someone won’t call you because it’s your responsibility to be there. To serve people.

It’s funny how people are wired. We all need a place where we feel needed, like we’re worth something to somebody, like we are doing something productive. Not even productive, but have somewhere to go. It’s the worst feeling in the world, where you have nowhere to go.

No purpose.

Aimless.

Things in life do not align with how you think they are going to. And that’s the part where it’s hard to be positive all the time. I’m usually a really optimistic person, I see the best in people by default, I forgive easily for some reason, and because I feel and care too much, I suffer.

Maybe it’s all about comfort. Isn’t everything though? The moment we step onto the outskirts of our hearts, we feel this anxiety because….well, what now? What’s the next move, next step?

And now all that’s left are the memories. And that’s the worst part about remembering every single detail about experiences and people, they never leave you. They haunt you every day. So much so that I sometimes walk back there, and seeing everything, have an emotional breakdown. Ghosts of myself, what I said, inside jokes or funny moments.

I don’t know why I get so emotionally attached to everything I do. I wish I was different. I wish that I could just leave without a second thought, leave everything behind and just forget the connection.

But that’s what makes me the way I am. I choose to see the good in the world, in people. Even after they show me that I shouldn’t.

What’s important in moving forward is finding things that thrive your soul. You gotta find what makes you feel again.

Nothing can replace your experience.

But also, nothing can replace the time spent on re-living or regretting that experience.

Time is precious. And darling, so are you 😉

 

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