Dose of Reality

Beating Words & Aching Dreams

So life in the movies always seems so blissful. Even the montages of people working hard, clips of 1am desperation and bursts of passion.

In real life, it all just sucks.

I’ve always wanted to write a book. There I said it. It seems daunting, or perhaps it seems like the easiest thing in the world (lol), but there it is.

I’ve always felt like I had a way with words (at least in the written format, verbal is a whole other mess of a story ). So naturally I felt like that was a given. That sometime in the future it would happen to me.

That’s the sin of my whole string of thoughts right there.

It would happen to me.

Why do we think that things are just going to FALL OUT OF THE SKY INTO OUR LAP, without actually putting the work into it? Like we’re smart people, and yet the thought of actually working hard to achieve something still blows my mind.

Maybe because the creeping thoughts of even that not being good enough, is enough to shatter our dreams.

While researching publishing companies that submit manuscripts and looking at book proposal templates, I was already scared out of my mind. Just on that first step: the book proposal.

Mostly because, the entire length of a manuscript-the months and months of writing- could be constricted into a tiny little three sentence elevator pitch? And that pitch, would fuel the fate of your entire manuscript?

Do I just sound like I’m complaining now? Maybe I am (what else is new).

Then it had questions about the marketing value, and to be quite honest I have no clue about business-y things, marketing, selling, anything like that. My in-the-process degree is in freaking criminology for goodness sakes! (Double majoring along side professional writing….but you know…still).

I guess the point of this post (don’t worry, if you’re still unsure of its point…me too), is that the things that lead you down to your dreams, are hard.

Sometimes, people say, ‘If you do what you love, you’ll never have to work a day in your life’. Well, I used to believe that, but even now when I’m on the road of doing things that I really enjoy doing, like writing blog posts, creating Youtube videos, Instagram photos etc:

it is work.

It can be lovely work because you love the feeling that it gives you, but it is still WORK.

And what I’m also realizing is that, some day…..might be closer than we think. We tend to push things over in the future just so we could be comfortable in where we are now. So that we don’t have to think about it, don’t have to try-while still ‘dreaming.’ What’s the point of dreaming without actually doing something about it?

I feel like my whole life has been full of wishful thinking, and only lately I’ve gotten to the point of: ‘enough is enough.’

It feels liberating. It feels magical. But it’s dreadful.

Because writing-to those who don’t write- is an exceptionally vulnerable art form. It is so intimate that you feel naked every time somebody reads your words. You pour out your blood cells on paper (or screen…lol), and write those words from a trail of stab wounds.

So the thought of writing a story that’s so dear to your heart, editing it, spending your days and nights in it, could feel like you’re planted right back into the past.

The past that you spent so much time forgetting.

You try so hard to push your feelings away, but writing about them is like transporting yourself back in time.

So tell me, is that healing, or re-opening past wounds?

I don’t know. I guess every writer has to take that sacrifice. I look at song-writers that I get inspired by like Halsey and Adele. If you read their songs, they’re like soulful poetry. You only get that deep when you are willing to really dive headfirst into your emotions, into your past, and risk feeling that all over again.

I’ve heard so many stories of writers-no matter song-writers, book writers, bloggers- crying in front of their work because they opened a part of themselves they had kept dormant for so long before putting it on paper.

So I guess what I’m trying to say, is that writing is intimate. But that intimacy is all that readers want to read. It’s how I appreciate a good piece of writing, when the artist’s bare soul is splattered on it.

So maybe you’ll have an elevator pitch that’ll suck. And it’ll disappoint you.

Maybe you’ll have a story that sucks. Maybe the actual story doesn’t suck, but the way you write it sucks.

There are so many possibilities of failure. But the way I’m starting to see it, is that even if I don’t ever get it published, I would’ve have written a story that meant something to me.

That for a moment in time, it would hold my entire beating heart in typewritten font.

And whatever happens, you’d have that piece of your universe there in your hands, and I don’t think there’s anything that could take that away from you.

So beat. Keep beating. And keep writing, my loves. Or whatever it is that sparks your soul on fire.

The point, is just to keep doing.

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5 thoughts on “Beating Words & Aching Dreams

  1. I relate to this so much, you have no idea! Thank you, thank you, thank you. I’ve been feeling so down lately because I have so ideas and I want to get them out but I’m just so scared of failing. I’ve been trying to finish a short story for a year now (lol I’ve been busy with school too), and I’m close to being finished but every time I set some time to write, I procrastinate. Also I started a blog a month ago but I’ve only written one post. I just get discouraged so easily and I’m terrified of failure. I totally relate on the wishful thinking. I’ve been doing that all my life as well, but the things we love require work. And it is so essential to pour your heart out in writing. Sometimes it’s so difficult to be vulnerable, but it’s definitely worth it. Again, thank you. I feel like God brought me to your blog tonight. You are such a beautiful soul. God bless girlie!<3

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    1. Elizabeth! Girl, you are too too kind! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and post a comment, you literally made my night! It is so heart-warming to have someone relate to the same struggles, fears, and failures. Failure has always been and continues to be paralyzing to me. It’s crazy for me to think that we set ourselves up for it, believe it, and thus re-iterate the cycle of never trying! It’s also ironic that our mind is our biggest lie-spitter, feasting on doubt and insecurity.
      —> What’s helped me, is to do things before my mind gets the chance to keep up and overthink it (I mean it happens anyways what can you do, but I try…).
      ex Like writing forward without going back to edit every two seconds.
      ex Like clicking ‘post’ before your brain convinces you you’re not good enough. Because the truth is, being creative always feels like that, I think it kind of comes with the territory of doing art in whatever form.
      –> Another thing is not being too too hard on yourself, and listening to your creative timing and flow. Like sometimes, I won’t feel strongly about a subject to write as a blog post, so I won’t post for like a month. But it’s important in that time, to still write in some way or other. So if you’re not passionate enough to blog, write poetry, write a scene for your short story, a free-style rant or journal entry, small things like that that will help you stay in that writing flow, but also adhere to your feelings! You can even salvage some of those parts and pieces to use later!
      –> And lastly, procrastination is my life struggle LOL. I’m still figuring that one out. I guess I give myself time to procrastinate and then try to work (so like 10 hours of procrastination for 30 min work….yeah I get easily distracted too!).
      But it’s all so worth it when lovely people like you comment and let me know how I’m not alone ❤ Thank you again so much, and good luck, keep me posted on your progress! Would love to visit your blog, I'm cheering for you!! (Also sorry for my essay response, but I literally don't EVER know how to be short and sweet hahha).
      All my love, God bless!! ❤

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      1. YES, failure, and fear in general, is so paralyzing!!! Thank you for these great suggestions and advice. I’m definitely gonna try and write before those negative thoughts take a hold of me! You are such a sweetheart! You’ll probably be my first reader hahaha. It’s not fully developed yet (and not as awesome as yours), but it’s called spillthechai.blogger.com! And no problem! Thank you for even taking the time to respond! <3(:

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Oh I thought I replied back! I’m so sorry! But YES, failure, and fear in general, is a paralyzing thing. Thank you for these suggestions and advice! I’m definitely going to write before those negative thoughts start making their way in my mind. You’re words are so encouraging!!! And my blog is so undeveloped! LOL hopefully I can motivate myself to write at least once a week (fingers crossed). It’s called spillthechai.blogger.com. I’ve only written one post so far and it’s not that good haha! Thank you for taking an interest and taking the time to write back!!! It means so much and I will definitely keep you updated!! PS I also love you’re YouTube channel! I stumbled on it and that’s how I actually found your blog and this post!! It’s so nice to see someone you can relate to, so keep up the good work and keep inspiring people!!!<3<3<3

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Once a week sounds great! Aww thank you so so much, means so much to me!! We’re all struggling but that fact alone unites so many of us together ❤ Hope you have a lovely week and hope your writing goes well! ^_^

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