Heartbreaks & F***boys

I really don’t understand boys of this generation (and I’m pretty sure they don’t either).

I mean, the ‘boys are from mars and girls are from venus’ phenomenon has always been the case, I get it.

But for some reason, our generation has it the worst off. Now I haven’t travelled in different time periods to say this with complete certainty, but it’s one of those things where you just know. You just know.

Boys just wanting to hook up.

Boys stringing you along because they like you, (oh and but also, they have a girlfriend).

Boys stringing you along, (oh and but also, they have like 5 girlfriends).

Boys asking you to give them space to see what else is still out there for them to experience. (🎶You say you need more space, what are you an astronaut?🎶 Astrid S. in Such a Boy-love that song by the way).

Can you put your entire life on hold so that they can figure out what they want? But like they still want you……like they promise…

Boys who don’t know damn well what they want.

Boys who lead you on and on and on.

Boys who talk to you for months and months and months, and then say that they’re not ready for a relationship right now.

Boys who only contact you when they feel like it, knowing you’re always there for them. It could be every day for months, and then complete silence for months.

Boys who play games because they’re too insecure to face the truth.

Boys who put you down because they are down.

Boys who sweet-talk you and make you feel good  (🎶Don’t call me boo, like you’re some kind of ghost🎶 Meghan Trainor in Title) but turn around and leave you hanging.

Boys who want to have it all. No boundaries, no commitment, no love.

Oh boys.🎶Your mama raised you better than that🎶

Cue the Meghan Trainor music once again (goodness, her songs are just so good for these kinda topics. Also see No Excuses, Lips are Movin, and Dear Future Husband hahaha!)

These boys, these f***boys, are an epidemic of our culture. A deadly plague, that once infects your body and soul, there’s almost no way of sterilizing.

Dating is hard. You hear it all around you, wherever you go, quiet screams of desperation in not being able to find someone, or shrieks from being hurt so bad that the pulsating pain never goes away. Turns your entire world of colour-into really bad-signal grainy TV.

But what about the parts leading up to it? The pre-dating.

It’s the ‘waiting in line for a ride’ part. And any of you who have been to fairs, rides, attractions, the time spent waiting for the ride, the food, the games- with the people you go with- is better than the ride itself!

I love chatting with my friends, laughing and connecting, you get to really know people in those circumstances too! Watching them react to how long the lines are, how hot it is outside, how hungry they are, that type of thing. Because if you end up going with the best people, all you do is laugh and cry-laugh, not cry-cry. It’s the part you remember the most, the memories that will leave a trace with you-longer than any actual ride will.

Maybe it’s just me then. But when you’re trying to find out more about a person when you’re with them, you’re not officially dating, but I mean technically you are. You’re doing the same things like getting to know each other, texting, flirting, possibly more…?

So in that time, if a person is playing games with you right from the beginning, well you can just guess how they will be in the future.

That is, if you ever get official.

Because let’s be honest, all this generation ever does is text each other, hang out a couple times, then just stop texting, while continuing to stalk each other’s social medias. It’s even worse than ghosting.

Because our generation doesn’t date.

People don’t want to be tied down to that. They want to have 4 back-ups, in case the chemistry for one doesn’t send sparks down to their inner core. They fail to notice that sometimes these things take more time, it’s like if you’re comparing a person you just met, to a person you’ve known for 6 months. Of course the dynamic is going to be different. Our generation definitely  doesn’t know how to be patient.

Or honest for that part. If a guy is seeing someone else but texting you flirty good morning and good night texts every day like you’re his girlfriend……is it so damn difficult to just spit the truth out? Ahh but see he doesn’t want to miss out, he wants to jump in between the two, so that when one doesn’t make him happy, he seeks out that comfort in the other-the one that he has no “commitment” to. Pretty genius actually, right?

Or another instance. Someone leaving someone else, for the sole reason that they don’t know who else could be out there for them. Ummm. I’m sorryy, like what?? Maybe people forget that love is a choice. You can move to the ends of Zimbabwe, Antartica, Poland, and probably find someone. You can find MULTIPLE someones.

That’s why when you choose to be with someone, you’re saying that you have eyes for only them. Hahha, see that’s why people don’t go to that level of ‘choosing’, they stay unofficial, keep leading girls’ hearts on (can go the other way around too, girls can be really insensitive too!), that way when chaos falls over their actual relationship (um, why do they even date? go grow a plant or something, maybe try a pottery class…), they have so many options. They raise girls’ hopes up, but that’s all they do. They can’t give more. They refuse to.

They’re scared of something real.

To be honest, I don’t know how these people live with themselves. I always think about people’s feelings more than my own. Always caring, always trying to see if they’re happy, if what I’m doing enough, if everyone is feeling the way they’re supposed to be. And to have that shattered, to have to question your own sanity because of someone else’s insecurity? Yeah, that hits you, cuts you in places you didn’t know could be living and breathing until….they’re not.

You blame yourself, because, well, you should’ve known better. But darling, it’s not your fault that you see planets and universes in people who are meant to stay rooted in dirt, never to be dug up. Because when they are, they release poison, and just like a venus fly trap, grab you in and leave you stuck, sliced open, what are you left to do? I hope you know you’re not rotting for ANYONE!

Now I don’t really know a lot of why they do this, because I don’t think they know either. It’s crazy the depths a person will go through when they’re feeling insecure. Because no matter how good you are to them, they won’t believe your pure heart.

Let me repeat that. No matter how good you are to them, they won’t believe your pure heart.

They’ll take advantage of you for their own personal comfort. They recognize that your heart is special, and almost try to steal even a little piece of it for themselves to harbour your one-of-a-kind soul. But they won’t take the whole thing, your whole heart, because

they don’t believe that they deserve it.

Please remember, you are enough. You are worthy. You are an angel, with a heart of gold. It’s not your fault they couldn’t see that. It’s not your fault they chose a self-destructive path that will only screw them over in the long-run. Their pattern of bad decisions, that’s on them.

It’s so sad because so many friends I talk to struggle with these sad-of-a-name specimens. Like I get it, you’re screwed up, who isn’t? You’re confused, who isn’t? But then REMAIN SINGLE AND DON’T GO BREAKING GIRLS’ HEARTS! Figure your issues out, don’t displace them onto more people. Because guess what, now you don’t only have 1 screwed up guy, you have like 5 more girls that he has broken.

Now multiply that to all the f***boys you know/have heard about. The math is making my brain dizzy. Because our population? Is PLAGUED with it.

I like to think of it, in the way that everyone gets what they deserve. It’s true. You make choices, and then the consequences come after, you can’t escape them. If not now, then in the future. I’d love to see how these ‘men’ react to their daughters coming home crying for months because the gravity of their hearts are at a loss for even beating. I hope they then feel the pain of boys just like them.

It doesn’t feel like it when you’re in the situation, but I promise you you’re worth it. You’re bigger and greater than the tragedy that happened to you. The way you treat people, it doesn’t go unnoticed. Because your people will always notice and respect you, and treat you like the little perfect piece of treasure you are.

I know it hurts. I know you feel like you won’t ever be able to feel anything ever again. But it will be over. It will be over.

I can’t make these f***boys go away. And I also can’t stop you from being their victims. Because second to being insecure, is also the slippery slope of being attached.

It takes time to learn how to live without the habits that they’ve built in you. Without hearing from them, without having someone to pay attention to you, to text you ‘how are you beautiful?”, or to put up with your goofiness. Yes, I get it, the silence is deafening, can crush your spirit. Sometimes you carry those burdens for an eternity. Because even though the weight is lifted, you’re still left with a back full of wounds from all those sharp knives. Days, months, years, but you’ll get there.

And when you do, the freedom will feel like you’ve conquered giants. It will be a soaring feeling that you couldn’t possibly ever have known about or felt, without getting hurt and defeating. You’ll be an overcomer, a conquerer.

Listen up carefully, I want you to know something, and I hope this soft but strong whisper tingles your heart:

You are beautiful, and God didn’t create you to be ANYONE’S second choice.